Couples Therapy

When couples feel caught in the same painful cycles—the same arguments, the same hurt feelings, the same sense of distance—it can begin to feel as though nothing will ever truly change. You may find yourselves arguing about everyday things, like dishes or schedules, when what’s really underneath is a deeper longing to feel heard, understood, and valued. The disconnection that follows can feel confusing and discouraging, leaving both partners wondering how you ended up so far apart.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) offers a different way of understanding these patterns. Rather than focusing only on communication techniques or problem-solving strategies, EFCT looks at the emotional bond between partners and the attachment needs that live within every close relationship. Together, we slow down the conflict cycle, make sense of the deeper feelings and needs driving it, and begin to create new ways of reaching for each other. As safety and emotional responsiveness grow, couples often find that the relationship itself becomes a source of comfort, strength, and renewed connection.

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

- Rumi

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As a Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist (EFCT), I offer couples counseling grounded in the powerful, research-based model of Emotionally Focused Therapy. A gold standard in couples therapy, this approach moves beyond just behavioral changes to help partners understand the deeper emotional needs and attachment patterns that shape how they relate to one another and are at the roots of conflict. Together, we explore the cycles that keep couples feeling stuck in conflict, distance, or misunderstanding, and begin to create new ways of reaching for each other with greater openness, responsiveness, and care.

Traditional Couples Therapy vs EFCT

Traditional couples therapy often focuses on improving communication skills, negotiating differences, and solving practical problems within the relationship. While these approaches can be helpful, they sometimes concentrate primarily on managing conflict or changing surface behaviors.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) goes deeper by focusing on the emotional bond between partners. Grounded in attachment science, EFCT helps couples understand the underlying emotions and unmet needs that drive their conflicts and disconnection. Rather than simply teaching couples how to communicate differently, EFCT helps partners recognize the negative cycles they get caught in and transform those patterns by fostering emotional safety, responsiveness, and secure connection.

EFT focuses on emotional responses rather than surface-level behaviors because emotions organize our deepest experiences of safety and threat in relationships. When your partner seems distant, the emotional response might be a surge of fear about abandonment. When they seem critical, it may evoke feelings of shame or a strong impulse to defend yourself. These emotional experiences, not just the words exchanged, are what EFT focuses on transforming.

EFT in Practice

Emotionally Focused Therapy typically consists of three main phases:

De-escalation: In this initial phase, I help the couple identify and understand the negative communication patterns that are causing so much pain in the relationship. Typically these patterns involve criticism, blame, shutting down and withdrawing, and intense emotional reactions.
Restructuring: During this phase, I assist the couple in reshaping their emotional responses and interactions to develop a new pattern. The goal is to promote more positive, secure emotional connections. This typically involves helping partners express their feelings and needs more effectively.
Consolidation: The final phase focuses on strengthening the new, healthier patterns of interaction developed in the previous stages. The couple works on deepening their emotional bond and learning to respond to each other in more positive ways.

What does the Research Say?

No couples therapy has as much research support as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). As of the latest research, ninety percent (90%) of couples who go through EFT significantly improve their relationship and 70-75% of couples no longer fit criteria for relationship distress following treatment.

Looking to start Emotionally Focused Therapy?

I provide online EFT couples therapy to those looking to improve their relationships throughout the states of New York, Connecticut, Washington, Florida and South Carolina. Contact me to schedule a complimentary consult.